Dear Reader, there’s a time for fighting fear—and a time for letting it ride shotgun while you steer.
Earlier this week, I stared down a social event like it was some high-stakes survival mission I never signed up for.
The thought of walking into a room full of mostly unfamiliar faces had me spiralling.
My body got the memo and went all in: nausea, shivers, that delightful buzzing anxious energy zipping through my chest and stomach. Truly, the works.
I gave myself 30 minutes—not to "calm down" (ha), but to just be.
To let the fear take up space.
To let the stories in my head run their course:
“You’re overwhelmed and you shouldn’t have to mask. You should just cancel. You’re autistic—why are you doing this to yourself? You know socializing is hard!”
I let the deep fear of going and then being too paralyzed with fear to be able to advocate for my own needs bubble to the surface…
I cried. I shivered.
I told the fear: Fine, take all the space you need. And then I invited the energy of this fear to come with me to the event, so it could watch over me and keep me safe.
Ultimately, that’s all it was trying to do in the first place...
Except, to my fear, a friendly gathering looks like a war zone.
And then: I got to work.
I used many practices from my toolbox: Box breathing. Tapping. Vagus nerve stimulation. Engaging my senses to remind myself I wasn’t actually in danger and allow myself to be present.
Did it “fix” things?
No.
But it kept me tethered.
I was able to be with it all without going into dissociation or distraction—two of my specialties.
Through this all, I remembered learning that the feeling of anxiety is physiologically almost the same as the feeling of excitement…
I checked in. Yup, anxiety was still there, staring me down. So I worked with transmuting this anxious energy into excitement.
I blasted nostalgic music from my teenage years and early 20’s. It was the same vibe as getting ready before going out to the bar.
There was a time when I would’ve poured myself a drink (or three) at this point, hoping to drown out the nerves…
But these days, I’m figuring out how to be with myself in moments like this, as messy and unpolished as it may feel.
So instead, I leaned into the ritual of getting ready—music loud, applying some makeup, trying too many outfits on, the motions familiar enough to anchor me.
Anxiety didn’t vanish, but it shrank just enough to let me walk out the door.
Here’s what I learned:
Sometimes, showing up isn’t about conquering fear—it’s about letting it sit beside you without letting it drive.
It’s about listening to your nervous system, respecting your limits, and then gently testing them.
It’s about meeting yourself where you are, not where you think you should be.
And sometimes, it’s about blasting emo anthems to remind yourself you’re not just surviving—you’re alive and thriving.
Fear has a way of showing us exactly where we’re stuck, where we’re hiding, and where we have room to grow.
It’s not just about the anxious moment—it’s about the deeper patterns, the stories we’ve absorbed, and the ways we meet (or avoid) ourselves when the shadows rise.
Conscious self-discovery isn’t about having all the answers or moving through life fearlessly.
It’s about showing up, imperfect and real, to the parts of you that long to be seen.
It’s about listening to your inner world, navigating the messy middle, and learning to transform fear into alignment.
You’re ready to explore that transformation and there are two paths waiting for you:
With Shadow & Spark, you get a guided, self-paced journey to dive into your inner landscape. This is a 21-day email series launching on 1/11, designed to guide you through reflective practices and tools for self-discovery.
It’s a gentle yet powerful way to reconnect with yourself, one step at a time, at your own pace.
If you’re craving deeper connection and personalized support, Odyssey offers a one-on-one experience to navigate this terrain together.
It’s an intimate, transformative journey into conscious self-discovery—where we meet your shadows, spark your light, and co-create a path forward that feels true to you.
I’ve only got 2 spots open at the massively discounted rate, so don’t delay getting your application in today!
Both are invitations to truly meet yourself—fear and all—and step into the next chapter of your inner adventure.
If you’re staring down your own version of a survival mission today, what if you made it less about winning and more about being with it? What if you let the fear tag along while you steer?
Blessing your full moon with reflection, and wholeness,
